If you’ve been reading along for any amount of time or if you’ve read the About Heather Bischoff page on my website; then you are aware that I have experienced violence against my body over the years. Perhaps you’ve been there too. What I want to share today is about healing. Not just the kind where you put some ointment and a bandaid on, but deep inner healing. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about healing, it’s that healing is an ongoing process.
On May 7th, 2016 I experienced an accident while trail riding, horseback. Thankfully nothing was broken but I did have severe internal bruising on my sacrum. The injury lead me to physical therapy. The first day of therapy I was invited to learn to relax my body. This was to be my only homework and my main priority.
On the surface this may seem like a no brainer. Who can’t relax their body? (As I raise my hand high.) This girl. I’m always open to explore new opportunities and this one is life changing for me. While I’m not going to share all the details of my journey here, I do want to skip ahead to the aha moment.
I took this invitation very seriously. Honestly, I had no idea how to relax my body. I’m a get shit done kinda girl and am always doing. My first step, reach out to my social media community for advice and direction. You were wonderful! I received so many great ideas and lots of options to consider. Later that day, I reached out to a friend via text. We were conversing back and forth when she hit me with something I wasn’t prepared for; but desperately needed to hear.
Having gone through her own healing journey, she asked me if I had given my body permission to heal. I had to read those words again. Reviewing the second time my heart began pumping so fast and instantly my eyes filled with tears. “Give my body permission to heal?” What the…
In my own frustration & emotional hell, I realized she was right. I had never given my body permission to heal. Not only from this injury but from all the trauma this body had endured. I couldn’t keep the tears from soaking my cheeks and eventually my pillow. They poured out of my eyes for a few minutes.
I pulled myself together and tucked this thought away in my heart to wrestle with what this really meant; asking my self how I could apply it to the story I’ve told myself for 29 years. My soul and my body were calling for healing, it was time for me to allow it. Still trying to figure out what it meant in practice.
24 hours later, I was in the shower. Like most days, I had my music playing in the bathroom. The music helps me focus and it’s how I like to officially start my day. There I was in the shower enjoying the water beating down on my injured sacrum, when one of my all time favorite songs came through the speaker.
This song was one I had heard hundreds of times, you know that song that you put on replay because you love it so much. Only, this time I didn’t only hear the song with my ears, instead the words went right to my heart and I knew this was a love song, from me to my body.
It was like I heard the song for the first time. I new I had to apply each lyric to my body. I allowed the words to resonate with my body. Showing gratitude for a body that has held on and carried all the pain and weight of the world, without ever complaining. Knowing that it was time, it was safe to release the shame I’ve carried for most of my existence.
Once again, my eyes welled up with tears that couldn’t be held back anymore. I had the ugly cry in the shower. I let it out and then gave my self a hug. Standing there appreciating my nakedness for the first time in my life, allowing the water to cleanse my body, soul and spirit. I continued to say the lyrics giving them to my body as a gift. Finally granting permission to heal, releasing all of the past hurts, disappointments and self-loathing.
Taking a deep breath in, I realized how important this moment was for me and how simple, yet powerful, it was to apply this song to my body from my consciousness. What about you? Have you given your body permission to heal?
I invite you to give this a try. Think of your favorite love song, then gift it to your body from you. Say the lyrics to your body and see what happens.
There’s much more to this story than I’m able to share in this post. Yet, I think you get the point and the application. I am here to serve. That’s why it’s important to share my own transformations with you. Sometimes it’s really ugly, it’s very vulnerable, but in the end my hope is that you won’t feel alone or invisible as you face your own fears.
I am here to hold your hand and help you get through the transitions you may be facing in life. It’s ok to be where you are right now. Feel free to comment below, share with your friends and please come back to visit. The journey continues. 🙂