If you can be open minded, keep reading; if not, this may not be for you. For much of my life I hid in Christian circles and wouldn’t have dreamed that I would go to holistic healers, let alone practice holistic healing with my family. Hiding in these holly huddles made me feel safe from the scariness of the world outside. It kept me “pure” from evil, or did it? In my 38 years I have experienced a lot, carried a lot and now I am releasing all that no longer serves me.
Have you ever had that moment in your life where the people you trusted most, be it your parents, family, close friends, maybe a teacher, don’t do what you thought they ought to do in a situation that left you feeling hurt, lost, alone, or abandoned? I do. Now there’s no need to be angry or point any fingers, after all how does that bring healing, or move us closer to our highest good? Rather we can choose to use these feelings of disappointment as the powerful experiences they are to rise above, serve the world and shine our light.
There is a time and purpose for everything. People are brought into our lives at just the right time to teach us the things we need to learn or shine their light on a pattern in our own life that may help us move on. For a long time I needed the protection of the holly huddle and I’m not criticizing the Christian faith. I am a Christian and believe the blood of Jesus was shed for me. I feel like it was because of my fear to do anything outside the box, that my Christian friends and family would disaprove , it was easier not to push the envelop and explore the mystical side of life. Then the shit hit the fan and I fell on my ass, while I know God was there and I didn’t give up or lose my faith; I needed to find out who I really was, who i really am. To do that I needed to pull the Christian cover off and allow myself permission to explore the world. Which meant doing things others might disapprove.
I have much to learn, but I have begun this new journey. While I’m not going to go into all of it right now, I want to share one piece that may resonate with you. Since the birth of my second child, my daughter some sixteen years ago, I’ve struggled with my weight. It’s important to note that during this time, I moved 633 miles from my home town and roots, began to explore forgiveness of an uncle who molested me as a child and began to ween my daughter from nursing, she was just over a year old. My weight has been up and down steadily for the past decade. A few years back I lost a lot of weight and felt amazing, but then I lost myself out of fear of my own famine power, due to my rocking body. It scared me, the attention I got from men. I didn’t know how to handle it and I didn’t know how to reel in my own power. So I made some horrible decisions and pound by pound put the weight back on.
Here I am nearly 50 pounds heaver than I want to be. I am surrounded by health coaches to have a product to sell. Many of them great products but I know that my weight problem isn’t an issue with food, rather a protection, like the former holly huddle. My padding keeps me safe from getting the wrong attention, from having to use my power in a way that might make me uncomfortable, and it keeps me safe from dealing with the emotional wounds I have been carrying around with me for years. I say, no more! Time to clean out the closet and let some of these old emotional wounds go. When my emotional self is cleared then there is no need to keep the extra patting of protection around my body. So what am I doing about it?
I decided to do something that my former self would say is crazy or ask, ‘you did what?!’. I found an amazing healer who is helping me release old baggage that is no longer serving me. I’m not really sure how to explain it other than to say sometimes, we need to let it go. I spend nearly 90 minutes sobbing like a baby as I let go of years of disappointment, hurt, shame, guilt and high expectations for myself. My heart broke as I allowed myself to say goodbye to the person I once was, the person who learned so many valuable, yet painful, lessons. It felt AMAZING! It was also very hard to do, because these are also the very things that have been my default to handling life’s situations.
Tomorrow is a new day. There’s a quote I heard once, “you can’t use old tools to deal with a new you”. Maybe it’s better said, you grow out of your old clothes as you grow into your new body. It’s time for a new wardrobe and I’m embracing it fully. I know not everyone understands this journey I’m on and that’s ok. Some may even criticize. I know that I have a light to shine, and I’m going to shine it. It’s so important to me to share the lessons I’ve learned in this life with other women, especially if it will help them take a short cut or help them to feel like they aren’t alone and completely understood. I’ve been there, I know what it’s like, the pain from just wanting someone to understand.
So whatever you’ve been using to keep you safe, is it time to be uncovered? Is it time for you to face your so called demons and start living your life to the fullest? What is going to make your tomorrow different from today? If you ever want to chat or ask some questions feel free to reach out to me, I’d love to be part of your journey.