The other day I was on the phone catching up with a friend. We were talking about where we were in our life and businesses. Then she said a statement that really took me a minute to unfold and understand. Her words were something like this, “I’m tired of all that authentic bullshit, everyone’s saying it but no ones actually being authentic!”
I have to admit, she was right, and even more, I’ve been guilty of this from time to time as well. We concluded our phone call and I went on with my day. I remember it was a Friday and in full disclosure, Friday’s and Saturdays have become my least favorite days of the week lately. Why? Because while I love my husband with all my heart; we’ve been going through some hard times and it always seems to hit me the hardest on the weekends.
In the last few weeks I’ve felt so alone and desperate for my husbands attention, to be heard, understood. Yup, married people feel this way. It’s part of the journey, not the end of the world. I want to be very clear, my husband is a wonderful man, he loves me, he’s a great provider for our family, and while there are some details I won’t disclose here, I always want to be respectful to him. Truth is marriage is hard. It’s A LOT of freak’n work and sometimes I just want to crawl up in a ball in cry my eyes out, sometimes I do. You know, the ugly cry?! Yeah, I’ve been doing that a lot lately. Even, though I’m hurting right now, I believe in our love and I believe in him. Thus, I allow myself to feel what I’m feeling and keep moving forward.
Last weekend another friend of mine took me to an event with Glennon Doyle Melton. I had very limited knowledge of her, but did a little research and was excited to hear what she had to say. She’s an author, speaker and blogger. Hearing her speak, there were many moments that I felt she was talking directly to me. Tears wet my cheeks on several occasions. Not because of what she was saying rather, because she was really being authentic. Glennon doesn’t care what anyone thinks, she’s simply true to who she is and will not settle for nothing less. That’s what resonated with me. There’s been so many times I’ve wanted to share more of the behind the scenes, yet held back out of fear.
After some reflection time. I thought about what Glennon shared, as well as the comments from my friend about authenticity. That’s when it hit me. “Heather it’s time to let it all out.” Who cares what people think. It’s not in your DNA to keep it all hidden. I’ve always been authentic in my writing but I’ve also held back at times. Why? Partly out of respect for my husband, letting it all out means I’ll be sharing some of his private life too, and partly because, um HELLO this is so SCARY!! I mean, what if people actually read this and have opinion’s about my life? My choices? This year has been a hell of a year already, and it’s only the begining. I’ know this is a year big change, transformation, transition and needed the courage of Glennon and the support of my friends to help me see the truth. It’s time for me to be authentic, like really authentic. You may hate what I write, on the other hand you may relate to my struggles.
I am a teen mom, who happened to marry the love of her life when she was the ripe age of 19. Twenty-six years later, I’m still in love with my husband, but marriage is hard work and sometimes my he annoys the crap out of me. Sometimes I’d like to push him out of the car or lock the bedroom door because this is the hardest relationship I’ve ever had. It’s also the one I cherish the most and will fight for with every ounce of my being. Our love is worth the fight, I’m worth the fight and so is he. Over the years I’ve loved the way he’s loved me. How he’s always been supportive, caring, kind and full of integrity. Yet, I’m not perfect, nor is he and we happen to be in a crazy cycle right now. So yeah, there’s that.
This is a season of transformation; as a parent with two, almost adult, children. [It seems there should be a different term for them. They aren’t children anymore, or teens, perhaps there is a word but I can’t think of it. If you do, please comment and share.] We are about to become empty nesters and let me tell you that is also terrifying! Of course, we are excited for our offspring to soar, but it’s also a time of greving. I nearly had a nervous breakdown the first time, when I sent my son off to college and in a year I’m about to do the same with my daughter. Then, I will be alone in this big house with my husband. There will be no more buffers. We will either kill each other or have sex in every room of the house whenever we want to. I’m voting for the latter. 🙂
Finally this year, I’m closing in on my 40th birthday. A new decade is about to unfold for me and truth be told, I’m getting reacquainted with me, getting comfortable in my own skin and coming out of hiding. All this to say, I am authentic in my personal life with all of my close friends. I call them up in the middle of the night sobbing hysterically because my husband was being an asshole. (Hey, we are all jerks from time to time.) I also call them when I’m so excited that I cannot contain myself. I don’t pretend and I cannot do fake. Hiding, yeah, that I have done well. Now, I invite you into my community of the craziness I call life.
I can promise you this, between my life experiences, corporate life and the life of an entrepreneur; you won’t be bored. I work hard, I love fiercely and I am so passionate about sharing my story, not for my own glory, but rather for yours. My perspective this, I am willing to be the vessel to which you may find to help you need to get you through whatever you’re facing. To encourage, support or simply stand in faith with you. We all have highs and lows. Some are really high and some are really low, but at the end of the day, we do the best we can. We pick ourselves up and learn how to navigate the stormy waters together.
If you haven’t already signed up for my newsletter, I invite you to consider joining for the inside scoop and even more juicy details of what it means to have real authentic conversations together. As long as I’m here on this earth you will be heard, understood and never invisible again.