The struggle is real. I’ve been madly in love with my best friend for more than half of my existence on this planet. That seems so surreal. So it seems to go without saying that through all the years giving of myself to my husband and family, I’ve also given away a lot of my power.
Put me in my corporate setting, with my team, my employees or with my clients, I’ve got power. I advocate for them, give my all to them and yup, even give away a little more of my power.
What’s a girl to do when she loves so fiercely, always roots for the underdog and wants world peace, starting with each person who crosses her path.
For years, I bought into the bull shit that childhood movies engraved into my brain. You know, the one where I find my prince charming and live happily ever after. The prince on the while steed comes to rescue the maiden.
My husband is my hero. He’s always seen me, better than anyone else. He knows me like no one else, ever could. In fact, he’s seen the real me, way before I ever met her. He’s supported me, he’s been my biggest fan, he’s loved me, put up with me being a complete bitch at times. He completes me in a way that is unexplainable.
I know what you may be thinking, I’m going all Jerry Maguire. Nope not even close. When my husband and I are not on the same page, I literally feel like I am operating at 50%. He is more than my soulmate, he’s my twin flame. (You can read more about that here.)
Marriage relationships, like any relationships take time, care and finesse. Being in this place right now, is really hard. While I am still functioning, I’m also struggling.
You see, I am a GSD girl. (Get Shit Done) I like to be productive, see results and move fast. I like the ebbs and flow of life, creating, having variety and keeping things simple. This challenge that I’m facing in my marriage is driving me crazy. It’s causing to take a deep look inside and learn to take back my power.
I’ve spoken my truth, read a few books on marriage and love, written letters and my husband has been silent. Ugh!!! However difficult, silence is not an indication that nothing is happening. Perhaps that’s why God has instructed us, take time to “Be still and know I am God”.
All these years, all my personal growth, following my heart, being true to myself has come with a cost. My husband is silent often. I’ve carried on, done my thing, while all along he was standing on the sidelines. The tables have turned and it seems it’s my turn to stand on the sidelines.
That’s not a demotion, it’s actually a promotion. When standing on the sidelines you get to take back your power. I get to learn how to trust, me.
I teach my clients how to figure out who they are without labels, roles or positions that the world likes to assign. It’s time for me, to be my best student.
While conducting my own research and asking for divine guidance, I’ve come to this conclusion. After all nature, people and my daily devotions have been continually repeating themselves to me. Here’s what it all points to:
Trust in your power. Trust in your creativity. Trust in the mystery of you. Connect with your power. Reclaim your power. Remain open. Let go. Give yourself the approval you’ve been searching for in others.
A very wise woman gave me some great advice recently. She told me not worry about my marriage. Rather, nurture myself, remain open to limitless possibilities and the rest will fall into place.
I don’t know what you are facing today, or what your relationship looks like. All I can say is listen to your heart. Marriage is usually worth fighting for, unless of course there is abuse. Most people give up when it gets hard. It is hard. A lot. But it’s also been the most rewarding relationship I’ve ever had the privilege of being a part. So don’t bail before all the good stuff comes. It will come.